Here Comes the Sun

I've spent most of January feeling overwhelmed and underaccomplished. When everyone around me has been setting goals for personal improvement, I've felt like it's all I can do to get through each day, mostly due to exhaustion. At some point, one year of very little sleep will catch up to you. I'm caught and very, very tired. Even if Keith slept at night (which is rare), Brent and I still have an arsenal of meds to administer around the clock. Here's a sample of a typical night of meds this month. I snapped a picture before bed when Brent questioned the 8 syringes in my hand as I headed upstairs.

For the first few days after Keith's stent placement, we were giving medication 27 times every 24 hours, including cleaning syringes. Pretty time consuming.
Add in the fact that I spent several hours this month working out kinks with pharmacies and our insurance company. Our insurance company has been great, but one major issue we've encountered has been having two boys on the same plan with the same last name and birthdate. By computer default, every claim is automatically processed under Cole's name because "C" comes before "K" in the alphabet. Needless to say, I've spent many hours with my new BFF, Nikki, in customer service, because I have to call her regarding every single bill to make sure it gets reprocessed under Keith instead of Cole. Clearly, this is something I would much prefer to cut out of my "to-do" list.
Obviously, there's still all the other things that accompany the duties of running a household. I was never very good at most of those things anyway, but now it often seems impossible to keep up. This would all be one thing if I was home during the week, but Keith and I are still spending at least 2 and sometimes 3 days each week at the hospital. I prefer to spend time with Cole and Ally (and quality time with Keith) rather than check things off my list in what feels like limited time at home.
Basically, I've been feeling like I'm in the trenches digging but I never get anywhere. I'm pretty goal-oriented and there's nothing I hate more than feeling like I'm never getting anything checked off my list.
OK. Blah, blah, blah. Enough complaining.
Fast forward most of the month to this week...

There was finally a sunny day so Cole and Ally and I got out while Keith was sleeping off a rough night. Being true Oregonians, Cole and Ally had to wear sunglasses at even the slightest hint of sunshine.

I couldn't help but sing the Beatles song, "Here Comes the Sun" in my head. Brent always (jokingly) sings that to me when I'm in a bad mood. (I know. Like that EVER happens, right?) Brent always inserts "Little Darcee" for the "Little Darling" part. Makes me smile every time. Mostly because he can't sing. Nor can I.
But anyway, the lyrics seemed especially appropriate this week. Find them here. The last year and especially the last 6 weeks have felt like a "long, cold lonely winter" but I also "feel that ice is slowly melting," even if it "seems like years since it's been here."  I can hear Brent singing now, "Here Comes the Sun, Little Darcee!"  Just typing it makes me laugh! But seriously, the sun IS coming.
Keith only has two treatment cycles left. 2 out of 9. That is huge! And while I realize we still have a lot of Physical and Occupational Therapy ahead to get him walking and eating, and we still have to get the whole hearing aid thing figured out and we still have unknowns to deal with as far as future help in school, at least we can see the end of the tunnel to treatment. At least Keith will only improve after that final cycle finishes up. No more chemo to knock him back down. He can only go up from there. April will be here soon and it will hopefully be accompanied by some real, live sunshine.

Other rays of sunshine:
1. Keith has had the desire to walk a lot recently. He holds on to our fingers but only for balance, not for weight-bearing. He even tried "running" this weekend. It was so sad and so awesome at the same time. I love his spirit.
2. Keith gets his stent removed already this week! I cannot wait for his bladder to stop spasming every time he urinates. Clearly, he will be even more relieved, but it's a pretty helpless feeling to watch him squirm in discomfort every two hours.
3. Brent is loving his new job. He wasn't looking at all, but something just fell into place that just felt right and he started 2 weeks ago. He's working longer days, but he doesn't have a commute and I love the excitement in his voice when he tells me about his day.
4. Cole and Ally are getting along so well. We have so much fun playing Cole (AKA "Red Dino"/ "Red-Jet Starship") and Ally, (AKA "Supergirl"/ "The Princess") verses Mom, (AKA "Green Witch"/ "Bee Stinger"). All names created by Cole. Cole tries to come up with creative names for Ally, but she INSISTS on Supergirl or Princess or sometimes simply "Pretty". Quite an imagination in that kid. The premise of these games include me turning into the Green Witch or the Bee Stinger and trying to capture, find, chase or tickle Cole's Super-hero-self and his stubborn side-kick. All the while, we get to come up with cool, unrealistic superpowers for ourselves. While these certainly aren't games of an orignal nature, we can't get enough of them. Simplicity in life is divine.

Ally in typical fashion: self-selected outfit with uncombed, crazy hair.

Red Dino in action.

Here's SuperDad in action showing Cole how to roll out dough for homemade pizza. Brent and his brother Clint slaved all weekend on finishing up our master bathroom remodel we started last January. More on that to come. Can anyone else believe it's February this week?!!! 

Much better late than never

We finally got to celebrate Christmas earlier this month! We had to squeeze it in between Keith's MRI at the beginning of the week and his sedated hearing exam and urology pre-op at the end, but we all enjoyed every second.
















































In addition to Christmas celebrating, we got to spend some time with Cousin Evie and the Smart Family, including Grandma Phyl which was special. It was a quick visit, but fun.





































Aunt Darel and Aunt Chels spent New Year's Eve with Keith and I at the hospital. Pretty sure we were breaking fire codes with so many of us crammed in such a small room, but it was fun. Keith would NOT let them go home that night, so the nurse let his Aunties stay. Chels and Darel slept on the window seat and I slept with Keith in his bed. A night to remember to say the least.

















January has been a very, very full month. I'm going to do my best to catch up!






Keith and I are hanging out in the hospital this week following insertion of ear tubes,
a kidney stone blast and placement of a kidney-bladder stent, all of which occurred yesterday afternoon. He's also received a blood and platelet transfusion while we've (conveniently) been admitted.


Keith went through another round of chemo last week which went smoothly. I know we say this all the time, but seriously, he is a trooper. We thought he would freak out coming back here since he really hasn't had much of a break. We've spent 2-3 days each week at the hospital since his discharge at the beginning of the month and he's been admitted twice. I'm positive he's sick of this place but very rarely complains. He's a very content little guy. He only needs his favorite story book, his movies and his Superhero and "bad guy" toys and he's good to go for however long we end up staying.


We're hopefully out of here today but we'll be back on Friday for a clinic visit, labs and likely another transfusion. But that should keep us out of here for awhile. We can only hope!

While Keith was at home, Grandma Smart, Aunt Chels and I snuck the kids out and had some fun:

New Year, New Cheer

"Life is a storm my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next."

- Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

Never has this quote been more true for us than with Keith's cancer treatments. Particularly when his immune system is so compromised, his condition can change daily and his prognosis can go from grim to great in a matter of hours.

Well, after nearly two weeks of being "shattered on the rocks," it's finally Keith's turn to "bask in the sun"...at least for a few more days until his little ship is besieged again by the storm of chemo.

Keith finally came home from the hospital yesterday afternoon and it is so nice to be home together again as a family. It's amazing to us how much happiness we feel in the simple pleasure of being together as a family under one roof.

As happy as we are that he is home, we are even happier with his MRI results today. His scans looked great, with no signs of remaining or recurrent tumor. Though his treatment often creates the kind of difficulties we've experienced over the last few weeks, the treatment is working and, despite it's challenges, we have to remember that the ends justify the means.

We are again humbled and grateful for the many calls, emails and messages we've received over the last couple of weeks while Keith has been in the hospital. We sincerely appreciate the thoughts, prayers and loving concern that so many have expressed on Keith's behalf.

Keith is doing great, seemingly oblivious to the two weeks of torture he just recently endured and is home again, happy as can be. His physical resilience is impressive but it's his God-given ability to suffer and forget that makes this treatment bearable for us all. We are truly grateful for Heavenly Father's healing hand in Keith's care and that Keith's tiny shoulders are constantly strenghtened to bear the burdens placed upon them.