Brent has been doing his fair share of traveling this month for work, so the kids and I have been doing our best to entertain ourselves. Luckily, Cole transformed himself into Dierks Bentley for an afternoon and graced Ally and me with a concert. He also covered a little Creedence Clearwater. It was awesome.
Speaking of rock, we also received a really neat gift in the mail from the Children's Cancer Association this week. We were supposed to go as a family to their "Caring Cabin" at the coast last fall and obviously didn't quite make it to get Keith there. They offered to let our family go even after Keith had passed but we didn't really feel up to it. But, apparently, they place a rock for all the children who've stayed at the cabin on the grounds and they send a duplicate to place in your own yard. I placed it in the flower garden my dad planted for us last summer. Keith would love the flowers.
My initial reaction to the rock was feeling overwhelmed for how sweet the CCA's gesture was towards our family. And then, I just felt sad that I was happy for even a split second about a rock with Keith's name on it. I don't want a rock with his name. I just want him. I know that sounds ungrateful, but please don't misunderstand me. I'm grateful for their kindness, just really, really missing Keith this month. Well, every day. I can't believe we passed the 6 month mark of him being gone. I can't imagine a lifetime without him. It seems unbearable.
It's so difficult to face a challenge that cannot be overcome. It can't be fixed. It can't be moved. You can't work hard enough for it to go away. Brent and I have just never dealt with something like this before. I know someday, in the next life, all will be well. Better than we can ever even imagine. I don't doubt that for a second and I'm so grateful for a Savior who makes that possible. It's just hard to know we'll be waiting for so long.
People say it gets better over time. I don't understand how that could be. I read a quote a few weeks ago that hit home.
“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”
~Rose Kennedy
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| A picture of the rock that rests at the CCA's caring cabin. |
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| You can kind of see the rock in front of the little tree, to the right of the bench. |
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| A close-up of the rock in our flower garden. |
OK. I need to move on to something that won't make me cry. How about an outfit ensemble from Ally? How about a purple striped shirt, with pink starred pants, a backwards and inside-out cardigan and polka-dot rain boots (on the wrong feet)? Add in a crazy hairdo and you get a typical look from our little lady. She absolutely cracks me up. She's really into telling us how much she loves us. "Mommy, I love you a thousand-million!" "Daddy, I love you a million-billion!" She has so much life and energy and happiness. Her smile brightens our lives.
And Cole. It wouldn't be a post without a costume-clad Cole. He's starting to branch out slightly from superheroes into Star Wars, but superheroes are never too far from his mind. Today we listened to the Star Wars soundtrack for much of the afternoon while he ran around "saving the galaxy" with Ally, a.k.a., Princess Leia. The spiderman picture below was taken while Brent, Cole and Ally set up a Star Wars Angry Birds platform in the garage. It's still there and I have now been parking my car outside in the rain for 3 days. It's mutiny around here if I even mention removing the Star Wars Angry Birds apparatus-thingy. I'm always outnumbered around here.
As for me, I'm still running like a crazy-fool...logging about 50 miles a week these days. Boston is just over 3 weeks away. I'm excited but ready to start tapering down my training.
