Fortitudine Vincimus

"By endurance we conquer."  This was the motto Ernest Shackelton adopted when he led a rag-tag group of men 1200 miles across the Antarctic seas in small, open, life boats after their expedition vessel, rightfully named the Endurance, was crushed by ice flows.  They battled freezing weather, fierce winds and ferocious seas.  They had little equipment and no protection from the elements.  They experienced severe frostbite, hypothermia and exhaustion and they were perpetually on the brink of starvation.  And yet, they endured, day after day, for over 2 years, until Shackelton and two others scaled the icy peaks of South Georgia island and descended into a remote whaling village to secure their rescue.

It's a motto that we've adopted in our family in an effort to get through the crushing grief of these last few months and nobody embodies it more than Darc.

Darcee is running the Boston Marathon tomorrow.  It's the oldest marathon in the world and one of the most difficult amateur marathons to qualify for.  Darc originally qualified for it in 2011, the year sweet Keith was diagnosed with cancer.  Given his treatments, she bowed out of the marathon, hoping that some day she'd get the chance to run it again.  The next year, Boston changed the qualifying times to make it even more difficult to qualify for the event.  Darc ran as much as she could throughout Keith's treatments, but remained wholly focused on making him happy and getting him through the brutal months of chemo.  Last February, as we neared the end of Keith's treatments, Darcee started running a little more and, despite the remaining 2-3 months of treatments, began training for the Newport Marathon in June.  To qualify for Boston again, she would need to shave off 5 minutes from her previous time, which, in marathon terms, is a pretty big improvement.  Despite the round-the-clock medicine schedules, the nights in the hospital and the chaotic days, Darcee trained hard through the spring.  As Keith's treatment's finished, sleep got a little more regular and her training became more intense.  I marveled at her commitment during this time.  It didn't matter how tired or run down she was, she stuck to her training plan.  In the mean time, Keith was doing wonderful.  His treatments finished and we were so looking forward to seeing him rebuild.

Darc ran the Newport Marathon the first weekend in June.  She set her PR at 3:29 and qualified for Boston.  We were so excited.  I was so proud of her.  With so many good excuses not to train for a marathon, she did anyway, and she crushed the time she needed to qualify again for Boston.  On the ride home in the car that day, we talked about the Boston Marathon.  How much fun it would be to go back to Boston where the boys were born, to take all of the kids, and for Darc to run it as a celebration of Keith conquering cancer and her conquering her marathon goals.  Sadly, it was not to be.  That very night, Keith experienced a massive seizure, the first sign that his cancer was back.

We lost sweet Keith in September, about a week before the registration opened for Boston.   Nothing seemed to matter then, especially not some marathon, but she registered, not knowing if she'd have the physical or emotional energy to do it.  As the days and weeks went by and we both wrestled with the crushing grief of losing Keith, she found that running was one of the few things that made her feel better.  She decided to train for Boston, mainly as a temporary distraction from the overwhelming sadness. 

I, again, was so amazed at her determination and commitment.  There were/are so many days where the sadness is so overwhelming that I don't feel like getting out of bed to do the things I know I have to do (like work).  And yet, every day, rain or shine, hot or cold Darc gets out and runs.  She inspires me.  I admire anyone that can train for and finish a marathon.  I was amazed by Darcee's ability to train for Newport on little sleep and constant exhaustion.  But what's most inspiring to me is how she's trained for Boston in spite of the sadness and sense of loss that I know she feels everyday.    

Tomorrow is the marathon.   It's not the situation that we imagined 10 months ago.  We dreamed that Keith would be here to see it with her.  We're staying at a hotel that shares a parking lot with the hospital where Cole and Keith were born.  Even though he's not here in person, I know he'll be looking down on his Mom tomorrow and that he'll be so proud of her.  I made Darc a shirt to wear in the race.  It has the symbol on it that I designed for Keith's headstone and the website address for the children's cancer race we're doing in September (Hero-up.org).  It also has our newly adopted family motto, "Fortitudine Vincimus" - By Endurance We Conquer.