Last night when I was leaving the hospital with Cole, I was feeling pretty frustrated because Cole was crying to stay at the hospital and Keith had been crying to go home. Ally has been struggling the last 2 days. I'm not sure if it's teething or being away from Brent and me. But our whole family is completely out of sorts during these hospital stays. I started to feel sorry for myself for a little bit but then I realized a few things.
One. I'm not a single mother. I've befriended at least 3 mothers here who do not have a husband. Two never started the cancer journey with a husband and one had her marriage fall apart during it. All of these mothers have other children besides the one receiving treatment. One has 5 other children! Some of them rent apartments for months at a time to be close to treatment. Some leave other children with out-of-town relatives or friends. Some bring very unhappy toddlers with them to treatment. (I couldn't imagine bringing Ally down here for longer than 1 hour. She tears this place a part!) So, at least I have a supportive husband who wants to sleep with Keith in the hospital and is then willing to go to work for the day. We also have incredible family and friends in town or who come into town to take great care over Cole and Ally.
Two. This is just temporary. I know that sometime today we will go home. As annoying as it is to spend an extra day or night here, I know eventually our family will be together at home for the next 5 weeks. A few days every 6 weeks is not that big of a deal. How can I complain about Keith receiving such great medical care so close to home?
Three. We have a safe place to be. We aren't being ravaged by war or ransacked by some natural disaster. Really. I need to just keep my experiences in perspective here. We are all safe. Keith is getting great care. He is going to be all right.
Being back in the hospital these last few days has reminded me that Keith is sick. Of course there are reminders at home when I'm running his feeding tube pump, counting calories and administering medication. And there are occasional reminders in public when we're headed into the Children's Museum and Keith gets sick all over his clothes and I'm purchasing an overly priced t-shirt at the Zoo across the parking lot so he can go play without too much delay.
But for the most part, I really was starting to feel so normal for a few weeks. Being back in treatment has jarred me into the reality that so many families are facing right now. We've reaquainted ourselves with families we met months ago and caught each other up on our child's progress. We have our own little community here. It's the most depressing community I've had the privilege of being a part, but it does have a sense of belonging and understanding that nobody can really offer unless you've lived this treatment life of uncertainty and unpredictability.
In a weird way, I'm grateful to have experienced it so I can hopefully know how to help someone in the future going through something similar. I desperately wish there was another way. I wish that Keith wasn't the one suffering so I could learn all these things. More than anything I wish that right now.
But if anyone can do it, he can. He's doing it. All these frail little children aren't so fragile on the inside. I wish I had pictures of all the kids we've met so you could see their sweet faces and bald heads but you'll just have to settle for a picture of my little guy.
9 comments:
You're amazing.
Darc-
Thanks for all the updates. I have been thinking about you guys over the last few weeks. You really are amazing...hang in there!
Love-Shanna
What a great post. Way to look at the bright side and take a postive perspective. You all are amazing. I often think about how people say, when considering another's trial, "Oh, I could never get through that!", but then when it comes their way they DO! Day by day people deal, minute by minute, step by step and before they know it THEY ARE GETTING THROUGH IT. YOU GUYS ARE GETTING THROUGH IT. I'm sure you've read it - I often see the pics of your little guy and remember the conference talk from April about the angels who administer to the sick little ones in the hospital. I believe that is true with all my heart! I know Heavenly Father is aware of you, and Brent, and Keith, and Cole, and Ally - all of your individual needs - and he will send the help you need, in all its many forms, while you endure this. Love you - congrats on going home.... again! :)
Hang in there Darc. And thanks for all the wonderful pictures. Keithy gets cuter everyday.
You are all such troopers. Caden prays for Keith to get better every day. It's been great to see Keith laughing and playing.
your family is amazing.
Thanks for the perspective- I truly love your posts and the perspective that you have. We pray for you daily and I am so grateful for "Orange Crush" and the opportunity it gave me to call you a friend. Sara
You've been a blogging machine lately. I love it plus it proves what a superwoman you are. If anything gives you an excuse to not blog this does so thanks for taking the time. I'm always thinking about you guys and can't wait to be put to work as your nanny this summer.
Wow!!! I used to check daily and then BAM you posted so much!
Thanks for the updates. I've thought about you and the Boston Marathon a lot these last couple of months. I'm sorry. But you will qualify again, and you will be faster. i know you. That's just the way you are. And by the way, you look hot in that swimsuit. You're arms are amazing! Do i need to have twins and carry one in each arm for years to look like that?
Your family is adorable. And I wish you could give me some of that knowledge and perspective. I can't imagine how differently you look at life now. Take care Darc.
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