Christmas Can Wait

This year, Darcee and I only asked Santa Claus for two things: 1. That we could spend Christmas together as a family at home and 2. That Keith would be feeling well enough to enjoy it.

We thought we'd been pretty good all year long and that we weren't asking for too much. Unfortunately, those wishes must have been in short supply this year, because Santa couldn't deliver on either.

I'm writing this from the hospital, where Keith has been since Thursday afternoon. In a repeat from a few months ago, Keith developed a bloody nose Thursday morning, which bled, and bled and bled, complete with vomitting and the all too familiar nose squeezing torture. All of this started at home but ended with an immediate platelet transfusion at the hospital. After the transfusion, Keith developed a fever and was generally just feeling miserable, so he was admitted to the hospital on Thursday afternoon. Keith's white blood cell counts are virtually non-existent right now, so he doesn't have the natural mechanisms to fight off any infections. Consequently, it's almost impossible to pinpoint what's actually wrong with him when he develops these fevers, so they run him through a series of antibiotics and watch him closely to see what develops.

We knew when he was admitted that it would be for a minimum of 48 hours, that's the standard. Of course, Darcee and I being the optimists that we are, we immediately started the countdown, thinking, "well, at least he'll be out of here on Christmas eve." Christmas eve came and went, as did Christmas day. The fevers persist and we remain waiting, taking turns with Keith at night and splitting time at home during the day. The Doctor thinks we may go home on Tuesday, but we're not holding our breath. As long as Keith has a fever, we'll be here.

Fortunately, Mom and Dad are spending this week with us and they have been a huge help with Cole and Ally during the day, allowing Darcee and I to recoup a little bit from our overnighters on the hospital recliner. I'm not sure how we would have gotten through the last few days without them. We've also brought Cole and Ally down to the hospital during the day so we could spend some time together as a family. They've been great, patiently playing in the little play room or watching movies with Keith in this confined space. Keith hasn't felt much like having visitors, but he still loves to see Cole and Ally when they're here and we know it helps him to feel somewhat more at home.

The hospital stay is one thing, seeing Keith so miserable for so long is another. He's been sick before during chemo and has stayed a couple of extra nights in the hospital, but not like this and not for this long. I think his little body has been through so many rounds of this poison that it's just getting harder and harder for him to rebound when his blood counts are so low. They'll come back though and he'll get better, at least until the next round.

One of my favorite Christmas movies is Rocky IV. Most people don't think of that as a Christmas movie, but you forget that Rocky trains through the winter to fight Ivan Drago in Russia on Christmas day. What made Rocky such an admirable character was his unmatched ability to take a beating. Anyone who's watched the Rocky series knows that Rocky was never the best technician, the biggest, the strongest, or the hardest puncher. He won simply because he had more heart than his opponents and was willing to outlast them in wars of attrition, slowly chipping away at bigger, stronger foes, while simultaneously absorbing all that his opponents could dish out.

I often think of Keith as our little Rocky. He's undersized and outmatched, but round after round, he stands toe to toe and trades punches with a very formidable opponent. Every round he gets knocked down. Every round he gets back up. This round is no different. He's staying on the canvas a little longer this time, but he'll struggle to his feet soon enough and from somewhere find the strength to continue the fight.

Santa couldn't deliver this year, but that's okay. Darc and I have learned not to sweat minor setbacks in a major operation. Sure, the timing of this hospital stay kinda sucks, but we try to keep our focus on the end goal and not get too discouraged about things like this. Given how he responded the last time he had this particular cycle, I think we both kind of prepared ourselves to spend Christmas in the hospital. Despite being here, we are very happy to see that the pediatric oncology floor at the hospital is almost empty. These kids suffer through so much and we're so glad to know that most of them are able to enjoy Christmas at home, with a much needed reprieve from their intense and grueling treatments.

In the meantime, we're fortunate that our kids are old enough to get really excited about Christmas, but still young enough to know nothing about calendar dates. We'll keep waiting, and when Keith is home, we'll have our Christmas, even though it may be in January.